Chaos in our brains. The clatter of unruly thoughts (what my boyfriend calls “paisley thoughts”), uninvited, skittering across our minds.  One moment we are oblivious, minds happily wandering, and the next, with broom in hand, we find ourselves chasing that monkey in our minds.  Clever is he - razor sharp, lightning quick - poking where it bothers us most.  Who  better knows our weaknesses?

My brother Max brought this up recently.  Thinking about what Max said, I realized the state of Monkey Mind is familiar to me, a mental habit.  Accepting it as normal, I stopped taking note of it.  But now, as life moves on and I find more value in it, I’m ready for another shift.

This is one of the things I’ve been up to: The start of my Kanzashi (fabric origami) dragonfly for Marti’s wedding.  Here you see the fabric tube I will fashion the body from and the dragonfly wings.

There are moments lately when I want to abandon all restraint, yell, “Yee haw!,” and take off.  Not that my life isn’t pretty cool these days, but I figure there’s always room for more.  Max also mentioned that, as he’s gotten older, he’s also become happier with himself.  Me too.  And that’s another reason to avoid whatever doesn’t feel good.

It’s so simple that it’s ridiculous.  Simple in concept and, for me, challenging in action.

Second Phase: I used gold thread to shape the dragonfly body and am ready to glue on the wings and decorative crystals.

As I write, I see that Monkey Mind has proved helpful.  It has alerted me to what’s important, to what really matters.  It has prodded me to act.  Maybe Monkey Mind is akin to the Pueblo Indian myth of Coyote, the Trickster that sparks significant changes, most often in unexpected, disconcerting, or uncomfortable ways.

I adopted a term from Julia Cameron’s book “The Artist’s Way” to describe this voice in my head.  She calls it the Inner Critic and suggests that it is as much friend as not.  That makes sense to me.  When my life proceeds smoothly, I have a tendency to slip into cruise control.  Nothing really wrong with that, yet wouldn’t it be boring if that were always the case?  Talk about Groundhog’s Day ennui.

My friend Rod putting up my new gallery style picture hanging system.  I love how my home feels more and more like a studio/ gallery.  So cool!

A constant dose of chaos isn’t what I’m after, either.  Like the story of Goldilocks and The Three Bears, I want my discomfort not too hot, not too cold, but just right.  C’mon, who doesn’t love having change come in easy and fun ways?  It’s just that, for me, when I have my eye on something really big, the reason the change I want does not come quickly is most often because it’s time for some mental housekeeping.

One living room wall:  I had fun switching pictures around to find a pleasing presentation.  I have more frames and paintings ready to be assembled and I look forward to seeing them up as well.  

Hey!  This is the blue wall I had an adjustment meltdown about.  Isn’t it gorgeous?  You can see more of my works in progress lined up on the new shelving unit my friend Priscilla gifted me (thanks again so much - I love it!)  Take note of the tall bamboo one - I am playing with a new method on that one which I will be showcaseing soon.  Also note the two tiny white mat board ones on the left of the line up.  That’s a new venture, too.

The next post will be the one I really wanted to write.  I thought I would dash this off so I could get to the fun one.  This post was to serve as the preamble.  Again, I am reminded of the perfect timing in my life, in all our lives, regardless of what or how we think things should unfold.  Acknowledging the thoughts I’m writing now is what I need - - spring cleaning, if you will, prioritizing, clearing mental and emotional space for more of what I want to come to me.

Shit happens.  It is what it is.  We can’t escape it, but we can choose how we respond.  I make headway when I go within - meditation or prayer, solitude, and the freedom to let my thoughts roam.  “Truth will out,” as the Bard said, and thus comes insight (if I am willing).  When I allow it, I find that Inner Critic, my Monkey Mind, has no lasting effect.  I can accept without resistance.  Sometimes the pivotal breakthrough comes as an epiphany.  Most often, though, it’s like a snake shedding the skin that has become too small.

I like that.  Of course, in those moments of complete chaos, there’s always the option of telling the monkey to just shut up, right?

To regain balance, I often ask myself in meditation: “How would it feel if all I wanted were already done?”  Immediately, I feel my body expand and my mind relax.  I smile.  I feel calm and energetic at the same time.  It’s like a booster shot.  I’ve moved nearer to what I know I want.

Finished Product: I glued a small barrette to the back so I could wear it in my hair.  This was a satisfying and challenging project.  I appreciated the learning curve and now have yet another artistic means to fulfill my creative spirit.

Also, perhaps, closer to where I don’t even know I want go…the idea of which jazzes me to no end.  Just like my thinking this post isn’t important, only to find that it is.  That realization excites me, too.  So, how good can we allow ourselves to feel?  How content (appreciative, happy…) in this moment?  Why not adopt that as the pivot-point invitation?  Then, all we need do is step out of our own way and let God, the Universe, or whatever power we value, lead on.

So glad to be doing this with you!

Judy

“There are no wrong turnings.  Only paths we had not known we were meant to walk.” From the novel “Tigana” by Guy Gavriel Kay.

Will I ever feel on top of things?  Two nights of interrupted sleep have left me wondering.  My recent life, portrayed as a sports commentary, would sound like this:  “She’s up!  She’s down!  She’s up again!”  

Truly, most days feel full of fun and adventure and accomplishment.  I goof myself up when I think about all the things I want and/or need to do.  Hence, the balance question.  How to reach a place where I can celebrate crossing items off my list without feeling despair at that list?  Everybody has a list, yet mine is taking on monster-like qualities and I feel overwhelmed.  

I was taught that working harder and faster would do the trick. You can figure out how well that’s been working (think hamster on a wheel in a cage). 

Remember childhood days when you could spend a whole afternoon lying on the warm grass and watching lady bugs, looking for magical creatures in the clouds?  I long to feel like that again- expanded, timeless, accepting that the most important thing in the world was what I was doing right now. 

The child in me despairs at the demands of being an adult.  I’m reaching for a balance between functioning in the real world and having fun while doing it.  The child in me wants to feel safe, nurtured; she wants to trust that everything will always work out great.

I can hear you; I’m being unrealistic.  Be honest, don’t you secretly want the same?  Think of a less stressful life, one with less work and more reward.  When I feel clear and centered, my life runs more smoothly with a lot less effort on my part.  I find more things to be grateful about and I notice many moments of synchronicity.  Challenges become a game, a game that I have control over, and I can see how everybody plays a part just for me.  Everything seems to make sense and is done easily.

My latest motto:  “Everything that happens to me, happens for me.”  Trusting this, I do not feel threatened by current events or by what others want or feel or think.  Remembering this, I can let everyone and everything be who or what they are and mind my own business.  This is when I am most genuine, most content, most allowing.  This is when I have the most to give.  It’s also when good things happen. 

Ok, so, I feel better.  Nothing’s really changed, but I have, so, “Yay, me!”  It’s good to remember that I’ve been here before - feeling overwhelmed and unmoored - and that I’ve always come out ok.  

Now is the time to keep it simple.  Breathe.  Do what needs to be done today.  Map out tomorrow.  Maybe choose the hardest or most important task on the list and do that one first.  Celebrate each victory.  Call a trusted friend to celebrate with you.  Ask your Angels or Guides for help.  Slow down and stay alert for that guidance.  

My sister Jean gave me a Staples “That Was Easy” button which I punch every time I complete a task (especially the icky ones).  Hearing that message makes me smile every time.  I repeat the words, mimicking the inflection, just for fun.  It makes me feel like a winner.  It makes me feel like looking at the next thing on my list.

Wishing you all balance,

Judy

Butterfly Dream: I painted this one with Mom in mind

Inspiration is a funny thing sometimes.  Quite often, I feel inspired in the moments when I’m not free to act, like when I’m training a client or teaching yoga.  It can be elusive for me, but I wonder if that might be partly due to my approach.

I have a friend, a successful and prolific writer, who works in his office pretty much every day.  He keeps regular hours, long ones, and you can figure out he’s not busy writing the whole time.  But he shows up, he’s committed, and it has worked very well for him.

I am only able to create part time, in between all the other stuff I do to pay the bills.  Sometimes my working days are long and I am too tired to feel inspired to do anything other than enjoy a glass of wine and stare out the window.  While “down time” is considered healthy and necessary to creativity, my point is that I’m not always able to call on the spirit that moves when I have the time to act.

A wise friend recently reminded me, when I mentioned my conundrum, to put aside just one hour a day and show up.  The idea being routine works hand in hand with inspiration.  Whether I’m reading about other artists, doodling, painting, or just staring at my paintings, I’ve made the commitment to my creative self.

All this coincides with what I’m learning from Julia Cameron, author of “The Artist’s Way.”  I recommend her book to everyone and not just to artists in the traditional sense.  If you are willing, this book can: 1) give you fresh eyes; 2) bring clarity to the stuck bits in your life; 3) shine light on the dreams that have been shoved to the back of your hope closet.

Faerith: She’s a Faerie Warrior Princess - a work in progress

Serendipity and synchronicity happen a lot to me now.  Or, better said, I am more aware of them.  The example that inspired (ha!) this blog came from reading something in a Sunday New York Times.  I’m not sure which week it was, as I put aside what interests me, and read them when I have time. 

This particular issue is the Style Magazine titled “The Greats” and features successful people from all walks of life.  I ate this magazine up.  In fact, I started this letter to you immediately after finishing the last article about a world renown chef, Massimo Bottura.  

Except for Michele Obama and Lady Gaga, I didn’t know any of these people.  But I have fallen in love with this chef.  I want to be him.  Better said, reading about him has reminded me that I already am who he is. Under all of the me’s I present to the public, behind all of the ways I’ve learned to behave so I could fit in, I’m just like this guy.  And he’s a force - open, receptive, a yummy blend of eagerness, openness, and Pollyanna-positive.  Two speeds, basically - enthusiastic and asleep. 

He says, “Think expansively through exposure to music, art, even elegant home decor.”  Exposure is key for him.  His brain is always working, processing disparate bits and pieces into novel and surprising things. “Keep your mind open,” he says.  “Always keep a door open to the unexpected.”  That’s how I want to create.  That’s how I want to live.

Fantasy Garden: Had fun “finding” shapes and patterns to paint

I love those quotes; they feed and inspire me.  But it’s this next one that really resonates, that fills me with hope for my creative future, that inspires me to dream big and to reach long:  “Through beauty you can rebuild the soul.”  A simple statement, my purpose explained - my goal, my dream, is to paint in a way to touch souls, soothe spirits, and inspire another’s dream.

If you’ve looked at my paintings, you have seen that I don’t do brain art.  I paint from my Pollyanna heart and am driven to create fun images and beautiful, soothing, uplifting pictures.

Acting on my friend’s advice is proving beneficial.  I’ve stopped beating up on myself when I am not able to put paintbrush to paper. I now celebrate all the other many ways I do support my creative self and my business.  Interestingly, I find I am feelin’ it a lot more these days!  

I think anyone can benefit from this idea.  Do something, anything, even if it’s only for 10 minutes each day, with your eye on your dream.  That commitment will build on itself and you’ll feel good about yourself.  As my friend said, “If you want to write a book, and you get out one page a day, at the end of the year you’ll have 365 pages.”  Something to think about.

Happy Holidays, everyone!

Judy