Chaos in our brains. The clatter of unruly thoughts (what my boyfriend calls “paisley thoughts”), uninvited, skittering across our minds.  One moment we are oblivious, minds happily wandering, and the next, with broom in hand, we find ourselves chasing that monkey in our minds.  Clever is he - razor sharp, lightning quick - poking where it bothers us most.  Who  better knows our weaknesses?

My brother Max brought this up recently.  Thinking about what Max said, I realized the state of Monkey Mind is familiar to me, a mental habit.  Accepting it as normal, I stopped taking note of it.  But now, as life moves on and I find more value in it, I’m ready for another shift.

This is one of the things I’ve been up to: The start of my Kanzashi (fabric origami) dragonfly for Marti’s wedding.  Here you see the fabric tube I will fashion the body from and the dragonfly wings.

There are moments lately when I want to abandon all restraint, yell, “Yee haw!,” and take off.  Not that my life isn’t pretty cool these days, but I figure there’s always room for more.  Max also mentioned that, as he’s gotten older, he’s also become happier with himself.  Me too.  And that’s another reason to avoid whatever doesn’t feel good.

It’s so simple that it’s ridiculous.  Simple in concept and, for me, challenging in action.

Second Phase: I used gold thread to shape the dragonfly body and am ready to glue on the wings and decorative crystals.

As I write, I see that Monkey Mind has proved helpful.  It has alerted me to what’s important, to what really matters.  It has prodded me to act.  Maybe Monkey Mind is akin to the Pueblo Indian myth of Coyote, the Trickster that sparks significant changes, most often in unexpected, disconcerting, or uncomfortable ways.

I adopted a term from Julia Cameron’s book “The Artist’s Way” to describe this voice in my head.  She calls it the Inner Critic and suggests that it is as much friend as not.  That makes sense to me.  When my life proceeds smoothly, I have a tendency to slip into cruise control.  Nothing really wrong with that, yet wouldn’t it be boring if that were always the case?  Talk about Groundhog’s Day ennui.

My friend Rod putting up my new gallery style picture hanging system.  I love how my home feels more and more like a studio/ gallery.  So cool!

A constant dose of chaos isn’t what I’m after, either.  Like the story of Goldilocks and The Three Bears, I want my discomfort not too hot, not too cold, but just right.  C’mon, who doesn’t love having change come in easy and fun ways?  It’s just that, for me, when I have my eye on something really big, the reason the change I want does not come quickly is most often because it’s time for some mental housekeeping.

One living room wall:  I had fun switching pictures around to find a pleasing presentation.  I have more frames and paintings ready to be assembled and I look forward to seeing them up as well.  

Hey!  This is the blue wall I had an adjustment meltdown about.  Isn’t it gorgeous?  You can see more of my works in progress lined up on the new shelving unit my friend Priscilla gifted me (thanks again so much - I love it!)  Take note of the tall bamboo one - I am playing with a new method on that one which I will be showcaseing soon.  Also note the two tiny white mat board ones on the left of the line up.  That’s a new venture, too.

The next post will be the one I really wanted to write.  I thought I would dash this off so I could get to the fun one.  This post was to serve as the preamble.  Again, I am reminded of the perfect timing in my life, in all our lives, regardless of what or how we think things should unfold.  Acknowledging the thoughts I’m writing now is what I need - - spring cleaning, if you will, prioritizing, clearing mental and emotional space for more of what I want to come to me.

Shit happens.  It is what it is.  We can’t escape it, but we can choose how we respond.  I make headway when I go within - meditation or prayer, solitude, and the freedom to let my thoughts roam.  “Truth will out,” as the Bard said, and thus comes insight (if I am willing).  When I allow it, I find that Inner Critic, my Monkey Mind, has no lasting effect.  I can accept without resistance.  Sometimes the pivotal breakthrough comes as an epiphany.  Most often, though, it’s like a snake shedding the skin that has become too small.

I like that.  Of course, in those moments of complete chaos, there’s always the option of telling the monkey to just shut up, right?

To regain balance, I often ask myself in meditation: “How would it feel if all I wanted were already done?”  Immediately, I feel my body expand and my mind relax.  I smile.  I feel calm and energetic at the same time.  It’s like a booster shot.  I’ve moved nearer to what I know I want.

Finished Product: I glued a small barrette to the back so I could wear it in my hair.  This was a satisfying and challenging project.  I appreciated the learning curve and now have yet another artistic means to fulfill my creative spirit.

Also, perhaps, closer to where I don’t even know I want go…the idea of which jazzes me to no end.  Just like my thinking this post isn’t important, only to find that it is.  That realization excites me, too.  So, how good can we allow ourselves to feel?  How content (appreciative, happy…) in this moment?  Why not adopt that as the pivot-point invitation?  Then, all we need do is step out of our own way and let God, the Universe, or whatever power we value, lead on.

So glad to be doing this with you!

Judy

“There are no wrong turnings.  Only paths we had not known we were meant to walk.” From the novel “Tigana” by Guy Gavriel Kay.