Aaccckkkk!  I’m outta control…and I’m feeling (oddly) ok.  I love every bit of it - sleep-interrupted nights, dream messages, nervous stomach, butterflies when I think about my future artist self.  I am consumed with the need to create.  I am eager to jump into the unknown, to explore its promise.  I feel recharged and ready, even though I am not clear about what, exactly.  Never mind!  Hand me those paints!

The workshop was my jumping point.  It was a stretch.  It was scary-exciting.  I heard my Inner Critic immediately:  “You don’t know how to do this.  You’ve never done anything like this before.  What if you suck?  What if you spend all that money just to be disappointed?” 

Artist-teacher extraordinaire Sandra Duran Wilson and me at the workshop

I did it anyway.  I showed up the first day knowing nothing and glad of it.  Freed from self-expectation, I was willing to do anything and then follow that lead.  I asked for help (a lot) from my workshop mates and from Sandra, the teacher.  I was in so-much-new-stuff-coming-at-me-all-at-once overload that I was buzzing inside.  In a constant state of excitement, I could feel my body vibrate.  During the week, I never could make sense of it, I never could catch up.  I just kept going.

Infinity: Going Neural has been accepted into the Hawaii Watercolor Society Spring Show.

This workshop happened at the perfect time for me.  A roller-coaster ride of uncertainty tempered with trust, it was just what I needed.  Happily, it was what I wanted, as well.  I think this is true for everyone. These flip-flop moments can be invitations to new adventures, improved selves.  Our attitudes determine the outcome, of course, but the opportunities are there. 

Phantasmagoria: This one was accepted, also.

My artist self is being re-wired and I see how all the other things that now require my attention are perfectly placed.  They will allow me space, distance, time to let the buzzing subside.  I cannot stay in this place and function.  I need sleep, if nothing else!  

Since I haven’t a choice, I’ll just relax into the flow.  It is enough to trust that this latest shake up has made room for my new self to settle in.  I welcome this craziness and I welcome her.

Ancient Voices, Future Vision: This one, too!

Hope you guys are having as much fun as I am,

Judy

Every moment counts, in very meaningful ways.  Your energetic savings account depends entirely on you. The math is simple and consistency is key.  So is awareness, diligence, and a willingness to put a check on unconscious habits of thinking.

I’m concerned today with energy leaks and how debilitating they can be.  Putting off a not-so-fun task, changing who we are to please someone else, or fretting over how to say no to a friend are a few examples of what I mean.  A common leak occurs when we choose to focus on the one thing that’s not working well in our lives (business, relationship, the world) instead of all the many things that are.

First Wash, outlining drawn with non-dominant hand, white-out still on structure outlines and waves.  My intention was to feel carefree, loose, light-hearted.  I really like how this turned out.

Stuff just keeps happening, right?  Our choice is simple:  positive thought, or not.  We don’t have to insulate ourselves from our lives.  It’s more about consciously choosing the thought or action that can immediately improve our mood.  This is the only moment that matters.  Teaching yourself to feel better right now helps clear the way for more future fun things to find you. 

Simply put: Something bugs you, which starts a mental downward spiral.  Whatever you focus on grows, and every force requires food.  Since you’re the closest, most recognizable resource, that means you.  Given time and the snowball effect, this negative slide can consume thoughts, rewire emotions, and deplete health.  

Fortunately, no Herculean effort is required, merely a gentle shift in focus.  For example: that icky-feeling task?  Spend a few moments to prepare the day before.  Say to yourself, “Tomorrow, first thing, I am going to take care of this and won’t that feel great?”  Take a moment to visualize how good it will feel to cross that item off your list.  Next, get everything you’ll need lined up.  Now, let it go.  You have already prepared yourself for action so you can now relax.  The self-appointed time arrives,  the stage is set, you feel refreshed, and off you go.  

It doesn’t even have to be the whole task, either.  A sense of accomplishment is what you’re after, the feeling of empowerment which comes from organized, thoughtful action.

I’m having a blast following my impulses, choosing random colors to outline the now lifted white-out parts.  Very happy with the fun, quirky feel of this painting.  Is it a city?  A birthday cake?? Are those statues???  I’m going to follow my impulse to somehow shadow the grouping, something like a sunset-halo, so here goes...

Other suggestions for self-talk include:  “I won’t always work like this and it’s ok for me right now.”  “I’ve survived stuff like this before; I can do it again.”  “Things usually work out fine for me.”  “I’m responsible for my own happiness and it’s not my job to make others happy.”  Personally, I use, “Change!” and, “Judy, mind your own business!”  Both make me laugh at myself which immediately frees me to move on.  Another great question to ask yourself is: “What would make me happy right now?”

Creating anything invites chaos.  Especially at times when you reach for more.  I’m exploring, what if-ing, giving in to impulses a lot lately.  Feeling brave one moment and then, “Yikes!  Why did I do that?!”  So easy to start in on myself.  Happily, I’ve been able to switch to, “I can make this work” or “It sure will be interesting to see how this turns out.”  Sometimes, I close up shop for awhile; other times, I feel compelled to keep going, curious to see what I’ll do next.

And…Oops.  Rats.  Sigh….I’m disappointed at this stage how the right side where I added the halo looks too closed in, too heavy.  I'll put this painting aside (as every time I look at it, I mentally kick myself in my creative butt).  My new self-talk?  “Change!” and  "Hmmm, I wonder how I’m gonna fix this one?”  (For now, it’s a mystery but I’ll keep you posted.)

Employing these kinds of phrases builds your personal energy account.  You’ll feel immediately better, a bonus in itself.  In addition, you’ll have freed your brain to think up other options or ideas.  In a flash, you’ve become more attractive to anyone or anything out there that might prove beneficial to you.  Positive thoughts emit positive signals which attract more of the same.  It’s magnetic, it’s powerful, and it feels great.

So, the next time something starts bugging you, remember you have a choice.  Honestly, why settle for anything less? 

Just go make a mess!

Judy

My latest missive mentioned my belief in “(S)he who has the most fun wins.”  I’m a huge fan of fun, have been all my life.  Dropped many a project mid-stride because I had lost the joy of it and have been judged a quitter.  “Great starter, lacks follow through” was one comment.

Personally, I was happy that way.  My wrong turn was letting what others thought matter. A new idea sends me soaring, dreaming up possibilities, anticipating how it will take shape makes me happy.  Although I do feel satisfaction when I complete a not-so-fun-but-mandatory task, it’s just not the same.

I found this on a restaurant ladies room wall just as I was thinking about my big Q.

Which has nothing to do, really, with what’s on my mind these days.  I’m talking about the bright bubble of joy that comes from afresh new idea.  One that lights you up inside, infects others near you, makes you feel buoyant and energetic and connected to everything - that “can’t wait to hit the ground running” sort of feeling, like the first day of vacation when you were a kid and the promise of a whole lot of summer fun beckoned.

Viewing it this way, I see I’ve been pursuing my life’s purpose all along.  My real road wasn’t so much about making the expected and acceptable choices, although I did.  I have found and still find satisfaction with pursuing a career, buying a home, falling in love.  But by making most of my choices with an eye to what was expected of me, I lost connection with myself.  Rediscovering Judy has brought insight and I really don’t regret the route taken (although I do wish I’d found the me I am today a bit sooner).

This one was accepted by the Hawaii Watercolor Society Open Show in April 2016

If you’ve ever felt like you were an alien among strangers, you’ll understand what I’m about to say:  I was made to make art.  I was created to create.  I thrive on the rush that comes from a new idea for a painting or a sewing project or even a house make-over.  It feels like, “Ooh!  I’ve gotta go do this thing right now!”

That’s when I’m direct-lined to the deepest part of me, the part that’s always connected to the vast resource of the universe, to God, to whatever name you use.  It’s all-inclusive.  It’s magic, it’s electric, it’s me at my happiest.  I love living in this space.

Not always can I be there, not in the manner I just spoke of.  I think the magic of those moments can and should be found in the ordinariness of everyday life.  And maybe that’s the answer to the big Q of why are we here: finding the magic in as many moments as we can; feeling joy; loving ourselves inside and out; appreciating others; making messes and trusting that from those messes comes great opportunity.  

Maybe it’s as simple as being true to ourselves while honoring others whatever they are doing.  To have courage, to trust in our connection to the universe and to have the most fun we can think of along the way.

Let’s all go have some fun!

(And Jean, drink your milk…)

Judy

PS. “The thing is to become a master and in your old age to acquire the courage to do what children did when they knew nothing.”  Henry Miller

She’s Done! "Flamenco Moment"  (Compare this with my last blog and see if you can tell what more I did.)